When choosing a topic for this blog, I initially dismissed the Day of Compassion theme because I thought it would be uninteresting. However, when attempting to plan out my participant observer experience, I found that the Day of Compassion would provide me with an experience that would be different from my everyday life.
Pre Day of Compassion: Planning Stage
The first thing I have to do is come up with a definition of compassion. My two-part definition is as follows: 1) avoiding behaviors that will cause harm to others- emotional, physical, financial, etc, and 2) actively seeking to improve/understand the mood of others.
When discussing this definition with Lauren, she had a few critiques. The first critique was that this definition seemed awfully passive when the goal of the experience is to change my behavior and potentially the behavior of others. My knowledgeable response was that though my definition of compassion appears passive, the most active component is cognitive. When proceeding with my day, I will need to constantly evaluate a situation, decide what action to take, and evaluate whether this action involved compassion. I will also be actively seeking out ways in which to compassionately interact with others. I recognize that this experience can and would be different if I had a different definition of compassion. However, I believe that my definition encompasses the most important components of what I believe to be compassionate behavior.
That being said, here are a few “compassionate (in)action” points that I brainstormed (this list is in no way comprehensive or thorough):
- Carpool to school and drive friendly
- No smoking
- No lying
- Smile at everyone
- Ask about people’s day and show genuine interest
- Avoid making the fundamental attribution error
So a lot of the actions are those that would harm the environment. The last few points, however, are ways that I can either avoid harming others or improve the moods of others. A problem that I faced when compiling this list was judging actions that are compassionate from actions that are outgoing. Though I believe this is overlap, I want to make sure that my actions do include elements of compassion and that I am not simply being outgoing. To guard against this, I will constantly think “Is this compassionate?” before I act.
Day of Compassion: The Action Stage
9:30 I am driving to school and let someone in a huge suburban cut in front of me at the last minute. They were probably in a hurry or weren’t familiar with the area. I did not honk.
10:00 I arrive at school and work on homework until Lauren gets out of class. I actually do all of the Intro to Feminist Studies reading. Whereas I usually just read the bare minimum to appear that I am prepared for class, I realize that I should respect the professor by reading all of the assigned material. I will also be able to appreciate the input of my peers and contribute to the conversation more knowledgeably.
11:00 I run into an old suitemate that I have not spoken to in two years. Though I am in a hurry to get to the library, I initiate conversation and we discuss her plans for the future. I wish her well in all of her plans.
12:00 Instead of flashing my fake lunch at the commons and getting a free meal, Lauren and I go to Taco Bell. I donate a dollar to cancer research. Though I do not have a lot of money, there are people who are worse off than I am. The woman at the counter is always so nice, I tell her that I appreciate her wonderful customer service.
12:05 A group of high school students walk into Taco Bell. They are loud and are talking about parties. I do not engage in judgment as Lauren and I normally would. They are just being high school kids. I was one once. I smile at one of them and compliment another on his shoes.
12:30 Lauren and I are leaving Taco Bell. I think I hold the door open for her long enough, but because she is texting and is walking slower than I thought. The door hits her. Rather than reprimanding her for texting and walking slow, I say: “I’m sorry that happened to you.”
12:45 I need to print articles for Social Psych and Abnormal Psych, but I feel bad about using so much paper and harming trees. I find it difficult to read on the computer screen and write notes about the articles. It’s a tough decision.
1:30 In Fem Studies, Tiffany (an unusual girl with less than insightful comments) repeats what someone else just said but in different words. Normally, Lauren and I would make eye contact and I would think sarcastically, “wow, how original.” I think about commenting on the insightfulness of her comment, but that would not be sincere. I look down and do not react.
2:15 Lauren and I are walking to our next class. Finally it’s the right season for my most favoritest thing to do, step on acorns. But wait, if I step on the acorns, can the squirrels still eat them? I decide not to participate. Instead, I listen to the delightful crunch of Lauren stepping on acorns.
2:30 I can’t do it anymore. Sarcasm is leaking out of my mouth.
4:00 I pick a fight with Lauren.
5:00 I’m down for the count. No more compassion.
5:30 I need chocolate cake.
Post Day of Compassion: The Recovery Stage
At the beginning of the day, I thought that being compassionate for a whole day would be a great experience. As is clearly portrayed by my day-log, I experienced compassion-burn-out after only eight hours. Here is what happened and why:
(*Disclaimer: For the following sections, I use “helpful,” “compassionate,” and “prosocial” interchangeably because helping behavior and compassionate behavior are both considered prosocial behaviors.)
According to the negative state relief model, people participate in helping behavior in order to experience a positive effect on mood (Cialdini, et al., 1987). So, I believed that because I was being compassionate, helping people, and generally behaving in a prosocial manner, I would experience elevated mood. This did occur. I found that the more compassionate my cognition and behavior were, the more I was in a positive mood. Unfortunately, however, self regulation depletion set-in. I realized that throughout the day, I was having to censor my responses during conversations. I also stopped myself from judging and making fun of other people, and I stopped myself from stepping on acorns. As Muraven and Baumeister (1998) explain, self regulation draws on a singular, finite resource. So, after hours of self regulating, my resource was depleted, and I could not avoid being sarcastic or picking a fight with Lauren.
However, I do believe that this good mood transferred to others. Just as helping/prosocial behaviors often lead to good mood, good mood often leads to prosocial behaviors (Aderman, 1972). This is known as the “good mood effect.” It simply states that when people are in a good mood, they are more likely to be helpful. So, in theory, if I am helpful to another person, they will experience elevated mood (because they received help), then because they are in a good mood, they will be more likely to help another person. And the cycle continues. Thus, in order to encourage others to be more compassionate, all I have to do is be compassionate to them.
Whether the people with whom I interacted today were aware of this cycle or not, I am pretty sure that they made a personal attribution of my behavior. I think that the friends and acquaintances with whom I interacted today made personal attributions because they had already made a most likely positive judgment about my character (halo effect, Thorndike, 1920), and so my actions today were seen as confirmation of their judgments, and thus their positive characterization of me persevered (Bruner & Potter, 1964). When interacting with strangers, they also most likely made a personal attribution. According to Jones and Harris (1967), people often quickly attribute behavior to personal factors. So, upon first meeting me, strangers most likely attributed my compassionate behavior to my personality.
I do not think that my friends noticed a change in my behavior today. This is partially because by the time I was interacting with them, my self-regulation was mostly depleted. Additionally, research regarding the spotlight effect has found that people often overestimate the extent to which their exceptional behavior is noticed by others (Gilovich, Medvec, & Savitsky, 2000). So even though I might have thought that my unusual behavior was obvious, the truth is that my different behavior probably went unnoticed among acquaintances and friends.
Because acting compassionately on a regular basis is associated with higher levels of well-being (Dillard, Schiavone, & Brown, 2008), I would be inclined to continue this experience. However, this constant compassionate behavior does not seem practical for my lifestyle. I generally practice the idiom “Think before you speak,” but I don’t want to constantly censor myself or refrain from saying how I actually feel. Moreover, I do not have time to always read for Fem Studies before class. I do not always have the money or resources to actually purchase lunch (that sounds bad, it’s really not that bad). I do not always have the energy or patience to find value in Tiffany’s stupid comments or stop myself from judging stupid high school kids. I do not have the inhibition to not step on acorns. It’s just not practical. I think in the future, I will make efforts to behave compassionately or try to improve someone’s day, but on a regular basis, that’s just not my style.
Aderman, D. (1972). Elation, depression, and helping behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 24, 91-101. doi: 10.1037/h0033366
Bruner, J.S., & Potter, M.C. (1964). Interference in visual recognition. Science, 144, 424-425. doi: 10.1126/science.144.3617.424
Cialdini, R.B., Schaller, M., Houlihan, D., Harps, K., Fultz, J., & Beaman, A.L. (1987). Empathy-based helpings: Is it selflessly or selfishly motivated? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52, 749-758. doi: 10.1037/0022-3514.52.4.749
Dillard, A. J., Schiavone, A., & Brown, S. L. (2008). Helping behavior and positive emotions: Implications for health and well-being. In S. Lopez (Ed.), Positive psychology: Exploring the best in people: Vol. 2. Capitalizing on emotional experiences (pp. 101-114) Westport, CT: Praeger.
Gilovich, T., Medvec, V.H., & Savitsky, K. (2000). The spotlight effect in social judgment: An egocentric bias in estimates of the salience of one’s own actions and appearance. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology,78(2), 211-222. doi: 10.1037//0022-3514.78.2.211
Jones, E.E., & Harris, V. A. (1967). The attribution of attitudes. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 3, 1-24. doi: 10.1016/0022-1031(67)90034-0
Muraven, M., & Baumeister, R.F. (1998). Self-control as a limited resources: Regulatory depletion patterns. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74, 774-789.
Thorndike, E.L. (1920). The constant error on psychological rating. Journal of Applied Psychology, 4, 469-477. doi: 10.1037/h0071663
First of all I am very impressed with how you wrote your blog. It was very easy to read and understand. I really really liked the timeline because it made me feel like I was actually also going through the same experiences that you had for that day. You also tied in the concepts very well because as someone who did not read the chapter (because I did a different experiment for myself) I really got it.
ReplyDeleteReading about your experience really made me think about the different capacities many people can have on being compassionate. I would like to think that I am a very compassionate person but when it really comes down to it I have realized that I am not all that compassionate within every aspect of my life. In so many ways I have tried to be more than I am. For two years I was a vegetarian because I was sad about the conditions that animals are in before slaughter but just like you I got depleted after awhile and I lost my self-control. The taste of meat can just be really good sometimes and it can be pretty hard to forget after 18 years of doing so.
All in all, I really commend you for your effort especially during 1:30. I understand how hard it can be to bite your tongue when you want to say something but it's even harder to control what you are thinking.